A divorce lawyer has sparked a wide-ranging discussion after explaining why he thinks men should always pay on first dates.
The viral video is courtesy of Justin Lee, a Toronto-based attorney. On his TikTok and YouTube pages, Lee often shares insights he’s learned throughout his career. A recent video, posted on TikTok, caused a stir.
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In the clip, Lee explains why he thinks men should always offer to pay when dating someone new. As he puts it, it’s “the best litmus test” to see what kind of person you’re sitting across from.
Lee starts by saying that in the end, it doesn’t matter who pays. The real point, he adds, is the supply.
“The problem is when we end up paying for someone who has this real sense of entitlement,” Lee says. “Like this wait that we will pay for.”
Lee goes on to note that in some cases, that first date eventually turns into marriage. And in marriage, it is necessary to know what traits of the other person could make your relationship difficult.
“And believe me when I say, as a divorce attorney,” adds Lee, “who you end up marrying is so, so important.”
Lee’s suggestion: At the end of the date, take out your wallet and offer to pay, then see how the other person reacts. If they just sit and watch, like they’re “expecting” you to pay, that could be a red flag.
“At that time, what did you just learn? Lee asks. “[That they] have, frankly, the audacity to expect a quasi-stranger to pay them. Imagine how someone like that will treat their significant other.
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Many TikTokers agreed with Lee’s theory.
“I agree 100%, it is the law that is such a denial,” wrote one user.
“I wait for him to offer to pay and pull out his card and we end up splitting it up,” another added. “It’s not a matter of rights, I want to feel taken care of.”
Others, however, disagreed with the concept. Some female users wrote that they were “old school” and expected the guy to pay them. Some have suggested that the person who planned the date should pay.
Then there were commenters who wrote that Lee’s video glossed over legacy gender issues, like expectations for women versus men.
“Counterpoint. For a first date, typically, the woman has invested a lot more money (and time) in clothes, hair, makeup, etc. Everything a man expects,” wrote one user.
After all the discussion, Lee posted a follow-up to clear the air. In this video, he says no one owes anyone anything on a first date. He added that one person assuming the other will pay does not necessarily mean they are “entitled”. In fact, some people may be looking for that kind of dynamic.
“At the end of the day,” he said. “It all depends on what you want.”
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